BLOG 5 of 6 – YOUR EROTIC CAPITAL: THE 4TH ASSET THAT SHAPES YOUR TOTAL CAPITAL

In the other blog I’m talking about what several other gender professors finally acknowledge as ‘the 4th asset that shapes your capital’. It has been one of my hobbyhorses for many years at the University and I work hard to impregnate society with its meaning. I’ve already organized various bootcamps to let women be more aware of it and plan many more in the future and always use it in personal coaching; the fact that next to your economical capital (salary, bank account, properties), cultural capital (education, diplomas, trainings) and your social capital (networks, people you know) your erotic capital is what completes you.

Better learning how to manage your feminine, erotic capital brings major advantages for wherever you move – the labour market, politics, arts, sports, media and in all social interaction. And of course also very much to avoid you’re harassed in any way as you yourself become the dominant factor.

Where I spoke in a previous blog of a ‘learned skill‘ I mean this: few are born with it. Everyone can learn it. Erotic capital is a skill to acquire and to further develop, just like aspects of intelligence. By combining the six elements of physical and social attractiveness as well as by emotional management women can rediscover and master their • inborn natural beauty or belle laide (a woman’s attractiveness despite perhaps not being conventionally beautiful) • sex appeal • social skills • liveliness (the fire in their body) • social presentation and • sexuality and sensuality.

Women of today might have lived too prudent for too long to realize that all these aspects of our ancient feminine wisdom have been overruled by the slow construction of more and more ‘moral’ ideologies – and by too many radical feminist theories. Ideologies that inhibit them from exploiting their erotic capital to achieve economic and social benefits.
Most women are unaware of this because men have always taken steps to prevent women from exploiting their unique advantage, and – even worse – to persuade women that erotic capital is worthless.
But vulnerability moves very much at the same end as ignorance. And opposite movements are of course curiosity, being adventurous, playful.

Note well this has nothing to do with using sex as a tool or as a service, or sexing your way up the promotion ladder. It’s just about how (both men and) women who are better connected with their forgotten asset are perceived as stronger and better performing: far more self-confident, dominant and superior.
Knowing this asset, controlling and managing this asset in day-to-day situations puts women in the position to better control the GOLDEN RULE in every work situation, which is that sexuality is solely for the private spheres: whoever ignores this golden rule or sees it ignored by the conversation partner should not be surprised to get into problems.

Therefore, I’ve made it my mission to transform this insight into a teaching method for women on how to completely get control back over their erotic capital and how to make the wisest use of some of the most true foundations of themselves. Making everyone more youthful, beautiful, charismatic and playful and able to use it smarter. I use it in personal coaching with politicians to female CEO’s and it is very helpful.

While they too, despite their high functions, are of course fed up with and unhappy witnessing how women’s erotic nature is negatively overexposed in the mainstream media, dominated by the culture of sexualization and pornification of the female body. To correct this total disbalance we women need to stand up, go out there and show the real story. And then we perhaps also may expect it becomes more natural for men to obey the golden rule.

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    4 thoughts on “Kaouthar on #MeToo, the need for more feminine & erotic capital, curiosity, adventure and compassion

    1. Avatar
      Claire says:

      What if you are post-menopausal – like age 58? I like your message, but really have no libido anymore and don’t care about even having a man around, except as maybe a companion if he’s a good conversationalist and likes to do things I like.
      I just kind of hide in my son’s basement apartment and am having trouble figuring out how to get excited about anything. Work has always just been an experience I’ve hated for the most part. I have my MBA, but have never found anything I love to do that has worked out or paid the bills… Just stuck sitting in an office in go nowhere jobs for pay that was pretty low. I’m starting a new job tomorrow… something totally different, for even lower pay… but maybe there will be some fun in there somewhere.

      • Kaouthar Darmoni
        Kaouthar Darmoni says:

        Dear Claire,

        Merci for your message.

        First of all, allow me to say that I think Menopause is ‘problematic’ mostly in western cultures. Where I grew up, in North-Africa, in Tunisia, I hardly heard women complaining about menopause. Not that it does not exist. But it was commonly accepted as part of the ‘feminine deal’, part of the feminine cycles of life; we were told, as little girls, ‘it’s not very pleasant, it’like when you have your period, but longer, and it will pass, like every month your period passes’. Period. No fuss about it like in the West.

        In Western culture menopause is for women negative, diminishing, reducing, you are ‘less of a woman’ when you reach menopause, it’s the ‘end’ of your femininity, sensuality, beauty… you are, as a woman, ‘over’! It’s so harsh. But it’s just a limiting belief.

        The Western culture is overly sexualized, meaning that if don’t have a sexual activity, then it’s a problem. A problem for whom? and why? The ‘pressure’ comes from the outside, and we internalize it, and we start putting this pressure on ourselves, and then we feel like loosers.

        Our feminine identity, pleasure, sensuality, beauty has nothing to do with our libido and our sexual practice. Menopause is a ‘Rite de passage’, a phase in a woman’s life. And this phase, no matter how challenging it can be, can also be crossed with beauty and grace. It’s a dance. Our goddess Aphrodite is going through a different phase, and it’s important she stays tuned on her femininity. This is the main reason why I always, ALWAYS, dance Aphrodite with my women, no matter in which state of depression, loneliness, sadness, anger, sorrow we are… Aphrodite, toujours et encore… Aphrodite Forever… also at menopause when we feel like shit. Especially then it’s important to dance her to … remember…

        And about being with a man, as you describe: ‘don’t care about even having a man around, except as maybe a companion if he’s a good conversationalist and likes to do things I like.’ We need to have also more understanding about men’s libido and not impose our (menopause) low libido on a man’s libido. He is allowed to have his libido unchanged, like we are allowed to have our libido changed. And we need to give space for that. To find a way to support our man into getting his sexual needs acknowledged while our libido is low/absent, not out of ‘duty’ or ‘pleasing’ but out of love & connection.

        And I would say what my grand-mother once said to my aunt, her daughter, when this one was complaining that she did not want to have her man ‘in her’, my grand-ma said: ‘your vagina is dry and closed, ok; but you still have your hands and mouth, No?”

        Keep it light!

    2. Avatar
      Claire says:

      What if you are post-menopausal – like age 58? I like your message, but really have no libido anymore and don’t care about even having a man around, except as maybe a companion if he’s a good conversationalist and likes to do things I like.
      I just kind of hide in my son’s basement apartment and am having trouble figuring out how to get excited about anything. Work has always just been an experience I’ve hated for the most part. I have my MBA, but have never found anything I love to do that has worked out or paid the bills… Just stuck sitting in an office in go nowhere jobs for pay that was pretty low. I’m starting a new job tomorrow… something totally different, for even lower pay… but maybe there will be some fun in there somewhere.

      • Kaouthar Darmoni
        Kaouthar Darmoni says:

        Dear Claire,

        Merci for your message.

        First of all, allow me to say that I think Menopause is ‘problematic’ mostly in western cultures. Where I grew up, in North-Africa, in Tunisia, I hardly heard women complaining about menopause. Not that it does not exist. But it was commonly accepted as part of the ‘feminine deal’, part of the feminine cycles of life; we were told, as little girls, ‘it’s not very pleasant, it’like when you have your period, but longer, and it will pass, like every month your period passes’. Period. No fuss about it like in the West.

        In Western culture menopause is for women negative, diminishing, reducing, you are ‘less of a woman’ when you reach menopause, it’s the ‘end’ of your femininity, sensuality, beauty… you are, as a woman, ‘over’! It’s so harsh. But it’s just a limiting belief.

        The Western culture is overly sexualized, meaning that if don’t have a sexual activity, then it’s a problem. A problem for whom? and why? The ‘pressure’ comes from the outside, and we internalize it, and we start putting this pressure on ourselves, and then we feel like loosers.

        Our feminine identity, pleasure, sensuality, beauty has nothing to do with our libido and our sexual practice. Menopause is a ‘Rite de passage’, a phase in a woman’s life. And this phase, no matter how challenging it can be, can also be crossed with beauty and grace. It’s a dance. Our goddess Aphrodite is going through a different phase, and it’s important she stays tuned on her femininity. This is the main reason why I always, ALWAYS, dance Aphrodite with my women, no matter in which state of depression, loneliness, sadness, anger, sorrow we are… Aphrodite, toujours et encore… Aphrodite Forever… also at menopause when we feel like shit. Especially then it’s important to dance her to … remember…

        And about being with a man, as you describe: ‘don’t care about even having a man around, except as maybe a companion if he’s a good conversationalist and likes to do things I like.’ We need to have also more understanding about men’s libido and not impose our (menopause) low libido on a man’s libido. He is allowed to have his libido unchanged, like we are allowed to have our libido changed. And we need to give space for that. To find a way to support our man into getting his sexual needs acknowledged while our libido is low/absent, not out of ‘duty’ or ‘pleasing’ but out of love & connection.

        And I would say what my grand-mother once said to my aunt, her daughter, when this one was complaining that she did not want to have her man ‘in her’, my grand-ma said: ‘your vagina is dry and closed, ok; but you still have your hands and mouth, No?”

        Keep it light!

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